Yesterday

20 05 2010

Yesterday was kind of a dark day for me, very depressing and my post reflected that.  My boyfriend and I were fighting all day and I was stressed out about his lack of concern for his own health and I let it get the best of me.  The thing about fighting with someone you love and have known for awhile is that they know EXACTLY what to say to get a rise out of you.  Or in this case, exactly what to say to break the dam that had been holding back all my psychological and emotional stress and cause a breakdown.  I cried harder yesterday than I have cried in a long time.  Probably since my grandma died.  It was one of those loud, wailing, snot filled cries that uses up and entire box of Kleenex kind of cries.  I was so embarrassed, I was certain that one of my neighbors was going to knock on the door of my apartment to see what was going on.

I think my boyfriend felt bad that he had pushed so hard and he let me cry it out while he tidied up our apartment, before picking me up and making me take a hot shower to relax and clean myself up.  It was a sweet gesture, but honestly I would have rather he just held me and apologized (which he never did).  He then ordered pizza and cracked open a bottle of red wine while we played board games.  And I’m ashamed to say that I probably consumed WAAAAAYYYYY too many calories via pizza and wine than I should have.

We never talked about the fight, even though I tried.

Anyways…back to your regularly scheduled health and fitness blog…

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What Do You Do When Someone You Love is KILLING Themselves

19 05 2010

I feel so lost, I’ve always tried to be somewhat healthy, even before embracing this challenge, and now I’ve kicked it into high gear.  I have been trying to get my boyfriend to do this with me, one because its easier to do with a buddy and two because he NEEDS this (probably more than I do).   He’s Russian, he immigrated over when he was six and his family is big on meat and potato meals and using real sugar, real cream and real butter on EVERYTHING.  However, most of the people in his family are active and have kept off the weight (I haven’t inquired into their cholesterol or anything its not my place) but my boyfriend goes to work and promptly plops on the couch to play video games and watch tv before going to bed.  This is his routine EVERYDAY.  He was a larger guy when I met him, about 6ft 3in and 230lbs, but he has gained a considerable amount of weight in the two and a half years we’ve been together.

Today I was using Wii Fit and I told him we should set up a profile for him.  He argued about it for about an hour before he finally gave in (only after I PROMISED that he wouldn’t have to do any of the workouts today) and I was shocked by the results.  To be clear he was under the impression that he weighed no more than 250lbs (although he refuses to weigh himself) so when the Wii Fit weighed him in at a whopping 307lbs with almost a 38 BMI we were both shocked (him more than me I think).  I almost cried when he stepped off and went back to his bag of Fritos and his video games like the number on the screen didn’t matter.

He is also a heavy smoker, although I did finally convince him to order one of those electronic cigarettes hoping it will help him quit (since the patch, gum and prescription medication didn’t “work” for him).

I’ve been trying to cook healthy food for both of us, but healthy food is still unhealthy when eaten in excess, which is exactly what he’s doing, eating double and sometimes triple the recommended serving size.  And don’t get me wrong, I understand that his daily caloric intake will be higher than mine, I’m not trying to force him to eat 1200 calories a day, but he is well exceeding even 2000 calories a day and lives a sedentary lifestyle 😦

When I try to talk to him about anything he shuts down and its no better than talking to a brick wall.  To him I’ve become a “nag” and its hurting our relationship.  I love him, I do.  We’ve talked about getting married and starting a life together, but I’m starting to wonder what kind of life we could possibly have together if he’s willing to throw away his health and his life so that he can enjoy sitting around and eating junk food?

He also has medical problems (likely due to his weight and smoking) but he REFUSES to go to the doctor and get checked out.  He uses flimsy excuses like he “hates doctors” or “we have better things to spend our money on” but seriously, what’s more important than the one irreplaceable thing you have-YOUR HEALTH???

I’m worried that I’m going to end up pushing him away if I keep “nagging” him…but I only do it because I love him and I want us to have a long healthy life together.  I don’t want him to have a heart attack or be diagnosed with lung cancer and have to be on a respirator and not be able to spend time with our family and do everything we’ve always dreamed of doing…

I’m so lost…

What do I do….?